Yesterday I was going backward and forth with a dude, a fully fledged verbal alteration. Before I knew it, or even realize it, I was in a physical alteration.

The same day I woke up early like I usually do, saying my prayers and doing some scripture reading. One of my everyday prayers is “God protect me from me”, aking for the grace and strength to not only act like a christian but to react like one. See, that’s where I normally fail. I have no problem with going to church and even discussing biblical topics, praying for family and freedom but when confronted with an opportunity to show my love and loyalty to Christ by obedience, the old me, that canal me, shoves Jesus out of the driver’s seat. Then i go ahead to handle every situation in how I have done these 15 years. By getting violent and self destructive.

I do not want to be violent, nor do I enjoy violence but the path of being here, stress, anger, anxiety and not being focused usually have me behave like a child and not a man of God. I am learning that being a christian is more of laying your life down, giving it up in order to really ‘live’. Denying yourself the right to be treated with respect, the right to demand retribution. Now, don’t get me wrong, I want to change and God is my witness. I hate myself at times, how can an individual continue to go in circles?

What’s more is that we, I have a power inside that is able to raise a person from the dead that is waiting to take over if I only allow Him to but I just have to take this stage. The Bible says God will complete the work that he started. So I believe, I know it is only a matter of time before I become that man that I desire to be. The one I was destined to be before the foundations of the world. Until then, prayer, prayer, prayer is a must. Feeding on God’s word is a mandatory submission on my part, it is not optional. What is hard for me is easy for God. All I need to do is walk in the spirit. Keep my mind on Jesus.

To be continued.

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